Happily NEVER after

I've been hearing all this buzz about Will Smith's open marriage. Apparently he and Jada didn't agree to "forsake all others" in their vows because it's human nature to be attracted to other people. Riiiight. So maybe that explains the random married dudes who seem to be on the prowl in DC. Have married men become the new craze?

I wish I could count on one hand the amount of guys that have approached me requesting to go out on a date. They ask if I'm single and of course I answer yes. Naturally I'm going to ask the same in return and that's when I get the, "See.. what had happened was.. I'm not happy" response. What the heck does that have to do with me? Not that I'm an advocate of divorce but if you're so darn unhappy do SOMETHING about it not someone.

A friend of mine recently went out to a club and met a guy. After a long night of dancing, flirting and the like she asked him how old he was. After telling her he was 35 she happily told him that he was her perfect dating age only to be presented with a ring bearing raised left hand to which he quickly added "I don't date.. I'm married." So let's be clear here. You're disprespecting a lady by telling her "no I will not date you but I WILL f**k you" and you still expect that she'll be okay with that and give you her number??? Don't even get me started on how trifling that is but it really got me to thinking..

For every woman like my friend who will turn away such nonsense there is at least one who will accept it. Lately my girlfriends and I have been discussing the state of the dating scene in metropolitan areas. For every 1 man there's about 10 women. Not to excuse it but it's no wonder men can't be faithful. The females are ultra-competitive and like the saying goes, "what one won't do another will." Women are willing to share men hoping to ultimately be the one he chooses and of course the men are lapping up all that attention and using it for their sexually exploitive gain. I mean, if I was a dude, I would probably do it too. Then count in the fact that the pool of progressive Black men is smaller so the ratio can easily become 1 man to every 15 women. It's sad. So then what do some of these women do? You got it.. they start dealing with "unhappy" men, hence the new flurry of married losers acting like they have no sense and thinking they've found the key to happiness in infidelity with single unattached vulnerable women. **sigh**

So back to Will and Jada. I'm not here to knock anybody's hustle but as if the unhappily married excuse isn't bad enough, enter the school of thought that married people should be able to do what they want because they're consenting adults. **double sigh** Sure it's natural for us to be attracted to other people but to act on it is another thing. What ever happened to monogamy and the sacred institution of marriage? Has it become so devalued that we're willing to sacrifice the things that we need to attain (if only temporarily) the things that we want. Let's take it a step further and question what example we're setting for our kids by showing them that values such as commitment and love and respect are trumped by the selfish pursuit of self pleasure and indulgence. And to break it down even more simply let's think about stereotypes. Will and Jada claim they haven't stepped outside of their vows yet but let's say they do.. when it's all said and done old Smithy boy will be viewed as "the man" while his dear wife will be perceived as a promiscuous (albeit beautiful) hoe.

There used to be a time when you could tell someone you were married and then the pursuer would back off. What happened to those days? When did unhappily ever after become an excuse to break or alter marital vows?