Past to present

Have you ever wondered what happened to someone and let the moment pass? Well I did that for years.. I would always think about my childhood friends and wonder what they were doing with their life, if they were happy, yadda yadda yadda. There was one girl in particular who was my first "best friend." To this day I still remember driving with her dad to their cabin outside of Toronto, falling off of a cliff next to her cabin (don't worry, I'm okay), and our countless sleepovers. Anyway, I had a dream and she was in it. When I woke up the next day, I finally decided to look her up. Thanks to LinkedIn I found an email address for someone with her name and decided to give it a try. 17 years later I've found her! I'm so excited and just needed to share that with everyone and nobody all at the same time. Carry on...

Scrambled eggs

Today I read an article that saddened me for all of two seconds. It didn't say hey girl.. you're FAB! It said hey girl you're OLD!

According to this study my eggs are set to tap out effective 12.16.2010. Well not really but close enough - it says that by my 30th birthday 90% of my eggs will be gone. How dreadful! I called my mom and had a good laugh about it but somewhere inside of me I wondered if I'm doomed. Being the best fried a girl can have my mom reassured me that 4 women in my family have had babies at the age of 40 but then I have to take into consideration that 40 is 10.75 years away. What am I supposed to do between now and then?

The doctors behind the study are insisting that women are made more aware of these results. I mean, everyone wants to feel like the work they've done is significant but I wonder if they've truly considered the consequences of including their "findings" in sex ed for dummies. Here's the thing, it's a well established fact that women are marrying later than in previous generations, if at all. The rate of single parent households is at an all time high. Considering both of these facts, why would you add pressure to womens' already overactive minds by saying "FYI - you may only have a 10% chance of having kids."

This is the message I'm getting - instead of worrying about the institutions of marriage and family I should start seeking sperm donors before the end of the year. By doing so I'll more likely than not increase the percentage of single parent households while simultaneously lowering my chances of marriage because guess what? I'll be a single parent. And all this should be done because my eggs are disappearing. Riiiight.

Thanks, Dr. Elan Simckes, but no thanks. I'll take my chances and have a little thing called faith that science tries to discredit.

By the way, have you ever heard the saying "If you're not a part of the solution then you are a part of the problem?" Well.. it applies to you :)

Here's a link to the article: http://www.aolhealth.com/condition-center/pregnancy/womens-fertility-ovarian-eggs?icid=main|aim|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fcondition-center%2Fpregnancy%2Fwomens-fertility-ovarian-eggs

Last name Honesty.. first name Brutal

I'm still looking at my computer in shock.. did this dude just hang up on me? Online? I mean for real. It's 2010. I'm 29.. you're what? Over 30 and you just signed off of a conversation because you didn't like what I was saying to you? I'm amazed!!

Look here rude ass, I hope you're reading this because I'm about to wrap up the conversation you started but were too childish to finish. You can hit that little 'x' in the corner when you're good and ready but do yourself a favor and keep reading. If your childishness kicks in again, bookmark this page and come back when you grow up:

By the age of 30+ you should know that sometimes dating and serious relationships require you to put the other person's wants/needs before your own. I know that's hard for you to comprehend so I'll give you a minute (or five) to let that sink in...

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Now.. if you want someone to do things for you (like say.. have sex with you) how about you not say no when she asks you to support her in something. Sure you may not like what she asks you to do but who cares. Do me a favor and look up a word in the dictionary for me: COMPROMISE. At some point you're going to want her to do something that she doesn't like to do (like say.. give you the head you've been begging for) and guess what she's going to be thinking? That fool didn't do ______ with/for/to me. Then you wonder why she's "lost" her drive. Yeah.. okay. Perhaps your selfishness has something to do with it.

And while I'm on the topic of your selfishness I'll continue our conversation on Valentine's Day. You said you don't "do" it because it's overrated bs and that you try to do things every day of the year. Oh really? First of all "trying" is the first step toward failure. Second of all, doing something every day (*if you did do something everyday*) is nice in theory and some female may feel the same way about V-day as you, but chances are she won't and then you'll be faced with this thing I like to call the truth:

*read closely*

While you're sitting back talking about holidays you don't subscribe to and what you won't do for the girl you claim is special, think about the dude who is showing her that attention you don't believe in. While you're doing that you should also think about and all the head and sex that he's most likely getting because clearly she's not giving it to you...

Thanks.

*untitled*

I feel real D'Angelo-ish right now for not having a title for this posting. Don't worry.. I won't be standing nekkid in front of a camera for you to sit on the edge of the couch with your homies thinking you caught a glimpse of the goods...

Instead I'm baring my soul giving you a glimpse of my heart that is mourning the loss of a friend who I should have let go of a long time ago. It hurts because I don't know who she is anymore.. and sometimes I wonder if I ever knew. Anyway, enjoy:

Today my heart touched yesterday
Grabbed hold of it
And brought you to the forefront of my mind...

Straining to see the mental image of you
Blurred by dotted lines and ink stains
Where I'd tried to erase and rewrite you
In vain
Fragments lingered here and there
Occupying space that should be filled
With good intentions and people who believe in them
Too busy stuck in the gray matter of self absorbency
You don't see me standing here
Alone
My trust shattered
With a trail of depleted hope left behind
You never tried to pick up the pieces
But I still loved you only to realize
You've hated me all along

Today my heart touched yesterday
Let go of you
And took its place behind the promise of tomorrow

mismatch.com

I made a mistake. A huge mistake. And it cost me dearly. Let me explain...

Dating sucks. You go out, meet new people, get past the representative stage and then start all over again. If they say insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results then lock me up NOW because I am officially out of my ever-loving mind!!

After deciding to put another Chi-town dud on permanent pause I walked over to my coworkers office to steal a chocolate under the guise of asking how her day was going. It's not like I really cared but I'm starting to think she strategically places the bowl of candy behind her so you have to stop and talk before getting the goods. Anyway, she was all chipper that day and by the grace of GAWD she had the bowl in front of her. Something was definitely up. I gave her the side eye and tried to swipe the candy while she was on a call but got the "wait one sec" finger and was doomed to enduring at least 10 minutes of random babble (note to self: I need to buy my own damn candy).

This is where it gets good. You know how there's a turning point in every situation where you hear something, your interest is piqued and you can either follow up on it or dismiss it. Well when she started telling me about this great guy she met I obviously wanted to know where. The sneaky little wench started talking about great conversations (kryptonite to most women), brunch at my favorite restaurants (kryptonite to my stomach), and all this other jazz that had me hype to know where in the world she met him. And then spilled it.. I had to ask her to repeat herself when she said *insert name of dating site here*. I was shocked, appalled, disgusted... and yet strangely intrigued. I mean, it couldn't be that bad right? I could see what people were about up front, learn their interests, yadda yadda yadda. Plus it's not like I've met anyone worth writing home about.. well, maybe one but that's only because he was a psycho. Either way, I decided to put some more thought into it. I mean, what did I have to lose...


Yeah well, I lost $59.95 and by some stroke of the devil I saw three people I've dated on said site. Needless to say I won't be back. What could have been a cute top or a great pair of shoes is now even more wasted url space in the land of fake-believe (aka the Internet).

The older I get... the less old clothes fit

I can't believe it's almost been a year since the last time I wrote something. I actually have one sitting in archives that I never published. Perhaps I should make that happen...

Anyway, back to the moral of today's story. One week from today I turn 29. Am I excited? Not really. Am I sad my 20's are coming to an end? It's not that either. Actually I'd like to strike my first statement from the record. I can believe it's almost been a year since the last time I wrote something. Not because I haven't had funny tragic dating stories to share or hilariously embarrassing experiences to reveal, but because I've been busy focusing on me.

I was recently going through my closet and all I can say is that I'm starting over. I have classic pieces that aren't going anywhere but there were also a lot of items that didn't fit anymore. I put those in two (huge) piles - things that needed to be tailored and things that needed to be donated to a worthy cause. And then it hit me... I remembered my girl telling me that some friends are like clothes that you outgrow. No matter how much you try to squeeze them in or make them fit it won't work. You have to let them go.

I admit some people have been harder to release than others but it hurt me so much more keeping them around.

I grabbed the jeans in the back of my closet that I was dying to get into. Maybe my waist got a bit bigger. Better yet, maybe my comprehension grew a lot wider. Either way, I've realized who my classics are, who my alterations will be (mending broken fences), and who needs to be reduced, reused or recycled and donated to benefit the worthiest of all causes: ME.

What NOT to do in Chicago

So I moved. I finally did it. Packed my bags and shipped myself to the midwest. How am I adjusting? Well. Something about being born and raised in Toronto must have made me immune to the cold (with the exception of sub zero temps that is). However, in the month-ish that I've been here I haven't developed the cure to my Kesi-ism mentality and have consequently learned a few valuable lessons along the way:

1. Don't get drunk at your company's holiday party thinking that you're the new girl and no one will remember you. This holds especially true if you're one of a handful of minorities at a firm. The truth is you stick out and people do remember you. So when you walk into the office on Monday morning with your head held high, remember to lower it just a bit. That senior guy you drunk babbled with wasn't that drunk. He remembers your conversation... do you?

2. Interstate drunk dialing is unacceptable.

3. Asking men for directions ultimately leads you to nowhere. In any capacity.

4. When some random guy in the street approaches you and tells you he wants a piece of that.. he's not talking about the pack of gum you just pulled out of your purse. True story: I'm walking home from work so I can change clothes before I head out to a concert when the 47 year old NON-virgin walks up and claims he wants "a piece." Random right? I decide "what the H.. I'll just give him a 'piece' of gum." No dice. Homeboy was talking about the other piece. Needless to say I immediately started walking faster.

Don't laugh! Actually, it's okay if you laugh because it's all hilarious to me and I'm sure this list will get longer as time goes on... In the meantime I'm just trying to make myself at "home" in the city :)