Last night a gChat saved my life

I'd like to slap whoever said that breaking up over IM is not acceptable. What world are they living in? At this point in time it's not about love letters and throwing rocks at windows followed by long walks through the park. NOT. AT. ALL. Instead a lot of our pseudo-relationships are based on technological advances. First it was the cell phone. Then we were blessed with instant messaging. Shortly followed by text messaging.

A note on that: I can't believe I've had a strictly text message based relationship. Like.. really. I've grown to like texting and all but I realized that arguing over text messages is NOT what's hot in the streets. Neither is trying to text-sex me. Don't you think calling and asking "what are you wearing?" in a sexy half asleep I'm thinking about you voice is better than hearing your phone vibrate on the nightstand only to pick it up to read: 'wut u got on?' Clothes biatch. I mean.. come on dudes.

Anyway, back to my original point. So after text messaging we were blessed with the highest level of instant communication. We all know her as gChat. A combo text/IM/cell phone deal that has had me sitting up at all hours of the night losing out on sleep. But this is no ordinary chat *drumroll please* they can be saved into my e-mail inbox!!! Forget the fact that I can remember what someone said 3 years ago right off the top of my head. Now I can use that mental space for other stuff like calling idiots on their BS.

So this fool decides to lie to me. Don't do that. I'd prefer an honest a**hole over a lying nice boy anyday -- at least I know what I'm working with. So this dude rubbed me the wrong way since day one but I stuck it out because I'm thinking he's different. He's nice. Has his stuff together. Yadda yadda yadda. But this arse lied. Now why'd you have to go and do that?? So as he's talking trying to get himself out of the hole he dug, I thought ohhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhh.. we were talking in gChat. So while he's running off at the mouth, I proceeded to log onto my computer and do some investigation. Sure enough in black and white were this dummy's lies.

By now you should know I'm ignorant. If you didn't then I'm forewarning you. I forwarded the conversation, highlights and all and told him to check his mail. Sure enough, he logged on. Silence. Waited for it.. The gChat window opened. Hey. (Hey?). So there's all this "**** is typing" going on at the bottom of the screen and I'm laughing because I would just love to hear what this ignoramus has to say. So after like 5 minutes of his "typing" I figured, you know what. Why am I wasting my time? I thought over our short lived "relationship" that had all been built on that simple lie. Btw.. whatever primary method of communication you used in your relationship is a channel you are allowed to use for breaking up so since a lot of our conversations took place online I figured I'd do him a huge favor and immediately put an end to his torture of trying to lie his way out of a lie. My little scribbly pencil thingy lasted all of 5 seconds. It said, "don't bother. it's been real.."

I hope he has the save feature highlighted on his gChat...

Happily NEVER after

I've been hearing all this buzz about Will Smith's open marriage. Apparently he and Jada didn't agree to "forsake all others" in their vows because it's human nature to be attracted to other people. Riiiight. So maybe that explains the random married dudes who seem to be on the prowl in DC. Have married men become the new craze?

I wish I could count on one hand the amount of guys that have approached me requesting to go out on a date. They ask if I'm single and of course I answer yes. Naturally I'm going to ask the same in return and that's when I get the, "See.. what had happened was.. I'm not happy" response. What the heck does that have to do with me? Not that I'm an advocate of divorce but if you're so darn unhappy do SOMETHING about it not someone.

A friend of mine recently went out to a club and met a guy. After a long night of dancing, flirting and the like she asked him how old he was. After telling her he was 35 she happily told him that he was her perfect dating age only to be presented with a ring bearing raised left hand to which he quickly added "I don't date.. I'm married." So let's be clear here. You're disprespecting a lady by telling her "no I will not date you but I WILL f**k you" and you still expect that she'll be okay with that and give you her number??? Don't even get me started on how trifling that is but it really got me to thinking..

For every woman like my friend who will turn away such nonsense there is at least one who will accept it. Lately my girlfriends and I have been discussing the state of the dating scene in metropolitan areas. For every 1 man there's about 10 women. Not to excuse it but it's no wonder men can't be faithful. The females are ultra-competitive and like the saying goes, "what one won't do another will." Women are willing to share men hoping to ultimately be the one he chooses and of course the men are lapping up all that attention and using it for their sexually exploitive gain. I mean, if I was a dude, I would probably do it too. Then count in the fact that the pool of progressive Black men is smaller so the ratio can easily become 1 man to every 15 women. It's sad. So then what do some of these women do? You got it.. they start dealing with "unhappy" men, hence the new flurry of married losers acting like they have no sense and thinking they've found the key to happiness in infidelity with single unattached vulnerable women. **sigh**

So back to Will and Jada. I'm not here to knock anybody's hustle but as if the unhappily married excuse isn't bad enough, enter the school of thought that married people should be able to do what they want because they're consenting adults. **double sigh** Sure it's natural for us to be attracted to other people but to act on it is another thing. What ever happened to monogamy and the sacred institution of marriage? Has it become so devalued that we're willing to sacrifice the things that we need to attain (if only temporarily) the things that we want. Let's take it a step further and question what example we're setting for our kids by showing them that values such as commitment and love and respect are trumped by the selfish pursuit of self pleasure and indulgence. And to break it down even more simply let's think about stereotypes. Will and Jada claim they haven't stepped outside of their vows yet but let's say they do.. when it's all said and done old Smithy boy will be viewed as "the man" while his dear wife will be perceived as a promiscuous (albeit beautiful) hoe.

There used to be a time when you could tell someone you were married and then the pursuer would back off. What happened to those days? When did unhappily ever after become an excuse to break or alter marital vows?

From extraordinary.. to ordinary

Say you have an addiction. This addiction literally makes you high. Just the sheer mention of it brings that starry look into your eyes. Nothing grabs hold of you the way it does. Nothing takes over your senses the way it does. Nothing can make you do crazy things the way it does. Do you let it go?

Now say your addiction is a person. Nobody moves you the same way. Nobody's voice is like theirs. Nobody's touch, smell, feel... HOW do you let that go?

I've witnessed so many people who are head over heels with one person only to give up on them to go from extraordinarily in love to ordinarily in a "safe" relationship. They claim they're happy but everyone (including them) knows they're not. 9 times out of 10, they end up going through a messy break-up, divorce or just suffer through a relationship that should probably never have been to begin with.

My question is.. when there's nobody else better than the person you love how do you go from more than you ever wanted to something you never needed?